Bring my Book to the Screen...Please!

I have finally got round to reading the November issue of my writing magazine within which was an article about getting your book onto the big screen. The long and the short of it was that you need an agent, always take a healthy option fee, but don't expect ever to see it made into a film, TV programme or stage production. Hmmm. That should be enough to make me discard that little dream, especially with a self-published non-fiction work to boot - but it isn't. I think my book would be brilliant as a film. There is action, hilarity, pathos and any other term you may care to use a-plenty (except bathos, I hope there is no bathos). The pages are full of history, architecture, travel and sex that could easily be translated into wonderful cinematography. I'm not even bothered if I'm portrayed as a desperate, hard-drinking, heavy-smoking slapper (well maybe a little) if it gets notice for the book. Of course, what I would like is a portrayal that is close to who we really are, or were as we have grown up a little since then.

So who would play me? It can't be some wafer-thin, stupidly attractive actress because that is just not me. Preferably a UK size 16, average-looking, tall bod would be the order of the day. Does such a creature exist in the acting world? Maybe they could get Kate Winslet to pile back on a few pounds, and some; she comes from the same part of Berkshire as me so no need for her to learn a new accent. Kate is a bit on the short side but then a lot of actors are, so she can look tall compared to the others in the cast. That's that problem surmounted.

And who will write the screenplay? Who will direct? Who will play my friend and travelling companion Sara? What will I wear on the red carpet? How will I fit all those interviews into my working day and still find time to write?

I'm getting ahead of myself. But one can only dream and, according to the article, that is probably as far as it will get particularly if all I do is sit and dream. So to work. First, I need to let the production world know there is an option on my work. Second, I need to get an agent to promote such, get me a good option fee and do all the hardwork. Third, I need to promote my book some more, finish my second and third books and do some more travelling in order to write yet more. Easy. See you at Cannes in 2014!


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